India Tomorrow

This is not a part of J&K

When there’s an elephant in the room you have to introduce it. Let me Sir, introduce you to BSP. The new UPA ally! Now, let me introduce the baby elephant, my opinion of the bigger elephant. IT’s NOT A MANDATE!!!

This piece comes long overdue and therefore has been significantly modified. Instead of penning down my opinion on the ‘dance of democracy’ in India and my views on why you should vote for the BJP here I am on the misnomer that we have a mandate. Now, that I have convinced you of my biased opinion no reason not to debate my sound reasoning.

The BJP point of view on the election should not take up much space and time. It did not do anything of significance in this election and yet it was the only party that did raise some valid national issues. Note I say national because there are/were a stream of regional issues brought up most of which I might not be intimately familiar with. The BJP was expected to win in the region of 130/140 seats and it ended up with about 20 below expectations. The BJP post mortem is largely uninteresting. It did not perform on expected lines in Gujrat, MP and Rajasthan. Reasons: Limit of Modi’s appeal, anti-incumbency/ wrong candidates and relative lack luster performance respectively. A +/- 20 is not a big setback for the saffron party. Yes, Advani failed to deliver Delhi and any further analysis on the topic will be further done in the blog titled ‘BJP tomorrow’.   

The 200+ performance of the Congress is clearly the story of the show according to everyone on Dallal Street. Three states namely Tamil Nadu, Andhra and UP being the stories in ascending order. Now let me remind you of my opinion once again. It’s not a mandate. Here is why:

 Tamil Nadu: Even the Congress did not expect this one. It was largely, I think a master stroke which was unintended. For those critics out there who would say that Congress persisted with DMK should, I think, rephrase. The Congress persisted with its only option in the state. Quoting a Congress spokesperson which I fail to remember at this point ‘We will not ally with zero’. Such was the Congress reading of the state. Amma had virtually captured the imagination of one and all and I think the only reason why DMK won was its approach to the current issue in Sri Lanka. Of those who failed to catch the fine print, Karunanidhi’s ‘Prabhakaran is a friend’ speech with Sonia Gandhi besides him might have found favor in Tamil politics. Now, I am not well read on the topic but it seems that the Congress let this issue pass looking at it as a largely useless demand from its ally. Now, let me rephrase that. Sonia Gandhi let the Congress ally openly support LTTE, the same organization responsible for the assassination of our 7^th Prime Minister and her late husband Rajiv Gandhi. This is the party we have at the Centre! The repercussions of this in the long run I think are largely none considering the big issue of Pakistan facing us right now and India’s famous non existent diplomatic policy.

 

Advani coined the term pseudo-secularism. He also pointed out the hidden synonym, vote  bank politics. Advani’s Rath Yatra was a reason not to vote for him. His understanding of the Congress party was one to do so. AP was yet another example of the glorious vote bank politics that the Congress used on its way to the Centre, yet again. One can let the LTTE issue slide. It is not going to affect anyone. What about the Telangana issue? Now, I really have no opinion one way or the other on this issue but I think political parties should. The Congress did. It was for it. It was fine. Then after the round of elections in the Telangana region ended, Congress had another opinion. Can you guess?  You might not agree with BJP on the Ram janmbhoomi. But you have to give it to them. They have an opinion to which they stick. A piece of trivia while we are on the topic. The Ayodhya issue had been lobbied intensely in courts for about 20 years before 1992. It was these frustrations that lead to the rise of BJP. The BJP is not a party that wants the temple. It represents the VHP and the RSS which do. Coming back to AP, and the reasons why Congress won. Pro-Congress people, which by the way are not the same as pro-secularism, would point out to some 5 lettered schemes which worked in AP. They might have. I am all for them. But then this reason is no different than JD(U) doing well in Bihar or BJP doing well in Gujrat. The Congress did not have a ‘mandate’ on its development schemes. It secured a mandate on its twisted schemes.   

The most fun part of the election has been the biggest irony of them all. This one is almost like a movie script. Once upon a time there was a very important state in India. Congress made a bold move of going alone. They made it on the backs the confident Rahul. Rahul ran a SRK style campaign in the state.  Rahul’s mother supported him. It was a no loss game. No one expected Rahul to win. If he did he would be hailed as a Hero. If he did not his mommy would have shrugged it off.  Now, I do not want to belittle the Congress performance in UP. 21 seats is a catch. But how one should ask! Why did people of UP vote for Congress and Rahul Gandhi. Development, promise of development? Issues, which?  What, why? These 20 seats is the reason they say the Congress has a mandate. These 20 seats! Where did they come from? Well, that is an easy answer. They came from BSP and SP. The Congress obviously provided people with an alternative and somehow convinced them that they were better. The people listened to them. They were frustrated with the politics of the SP and BSP which interestingly are parties that rose to significance because of a lack of Congress performance. Now, the Congress claimed to be their savior and then F***** them in the ass. I would be a pretty frustrated UP voter if I saw the SP and BSP join the government. Didn’t UP just vote against them? Now the irony! The UPA did not even need them in the first place. It has enough numbers to scramble through with a few inconsequential smaller parties and independents. If it needs a more stable alliance and numbers in the Rajya Sabha , as some might argue, to pass reforms it could still do with just one of them. I fail to see an issue, a policy, any logic and any reasoning behind the alliance that is all set to form the government in the 15^th Lok Sabha. I see the ironies. I see that the government, on the backs of which the BSE rallied a record 2100 points in two minutes, includes a party which wanted to ban computers in its manifesto. Sadly it’s a pathetic joke. 

This is not a mandate. This is vote bank politics. The Congress placed itself at the right places either by chance or by good organization. A mandate is on issues. What is the Congress’s solution to the Swiss bank accounts issues raised by Advani? What is the Congress’s solution to Telangana? What is the Congress’s solution to the fundamentalist Hindutva preached by the VHP?  There is none.

More importantly, where does our foreign policy relations with the US stand? Are we going to sign the NPT? Are we going to support in a military offensive in Pakistan? Are we lobbying to stop the money inflow from the US to Pakistan? These are the questions that should have been asked by a few if not all.  

The only good news is that we have a stable government with a good PM. Yes, I do think that Manmohan Singh is good in the current economic scenario in India. The bulls on Dallal St. might be irrationally exuberant. But their optimism is not misplaced. The downside is we need to realize that this is not a mandate. India has not spoken. Far from it! Varun Gandhi won by one of the biggest margins in this Lok Sabha. That part of India is angry. The Congress does not represent any one face of India. Almost all other parties have a base votership which they represent in the parliament. BJP and Congress are the only two national parties we have. The BJP has spoken. It has lost. I would like to hear Congress’s opinion. And I think India has to make sure it’s not vote  bank politics. 

 

 

Conversations over Lunch

“Hey, Hoooows you man?”

K looked back. He yelped in delight “Whats up! homie? 

“Hooows it hanging?” said the stranger 

“Down and to the left” They both guffawed at the pathetic joke. 

I never understood meeting rituals. People say the funniest things. Weird greetings, weirder handshakes, punching the stomach, punching each others knuckles, small talk, and worthless mention of being well. Almost always nothing is up. The going is rarely bad. Everyone’s life is busy! I always wondered. Where did the lazy, good for nothing loafers go? Everyone in this world can’t be busy. Or is it that I am mingling with the wrong type? The busy people! Surely I am not that good. If you are busy people, who you meet should be worth your time. So it’s either that busy people think that I am worth their valuable time or they are lying about being busy in the first place. I have never had high self esteem and with age I am becoming increasingly skeptical and cynical. Surely not everyone is busy!

I do have to say I was mildly surprised. K was irritatingly happy to see this fellow. They were raucously laughing at silly jokes using straight out ‘ganstaa’ rap language. I learned this term after the delightful conversation between K and his ‘homie’. 

It turned out that Sugu (or atleast that was his name in the 15 minutes I happened to know him) was lying low for a while after his stint in college. He was chill about the job scene. Was he still in touch with the gang? Sure, he hung out with those geezers’s all the time. Would he like to grab a bite with us? Nah, he was having gandhi’s revenge! After a few more racist, sexist and insulting terms K bid him ‘peace’ and we proceed on to lunch. 

“So, what the Hell was he?” I asked K as we were walking to the canteen. 

“What?”

“Oh, I am sorry is there something wrong with my vocabulary?” 

“Oh come on. You just jealous that you not up with the slang” K laughed. 

“Ya, sure. Who was he anyways? I never seen him in college before”

“Name is Sagar. Just a once a year friend”

“Uhh...what?” I was lost.

“Oh you know.....the type you bump into once a year and catch up within 10 mins. Interesting, isn’t it? How would you summarize your life in the past year in 10 mins. You have to be concise and yet make sure the other person knows every important thing that you’ve done. These are the type of people from whom you will hear about job openings, pay hikes and most importantly how many of your other once in a year friends are applying for it”

“You are not even looking for job!”

“But helps to know that I could”

“Wow! What a gigantic waste of time.” I said in exasperation

“Not really. If you into it, you could actually learn names of good dates, good restaurants and good drinks you can order in a bar through such conversations”

I refused to comment. But I was intrigued. “So are there any other types?”

“Types of what?” K asked

“Of friends.”

“Sure” he replied “There’s once a year, once a semester, once a month, once a week and once a day”

I was a little disturbed by the quickness of his reply. I thought that he had coined the term off the top of his head. It was not surprising, however, that he had thought this through. 

He put on a ‘I know that look face’ of his. “You are morally repulsed by this concept, aren’t you?” he asked

“It’s amazing how much thought you put into these things” I said

The canteen was full as usual. We got into the queue for ordering. “I feel like a dosa today” He said browsing through the menu.

“So you have a criteria or something for this?”

“It’s more of an empirical observation than anything else.”

“Empirical? How many people do you know?”

“A more interesting question would be how efficient is my system?”

He always did this, answered questions that were not asked of him.

K continued “The answer would be very. Even more interesting is the reason it works and the underlying tendency of people to avoid each other”

“Oh ya sure, I forgot. Your intricately twisted view of the world” I retorted.

“Am not kidding! There is huge jump between the numbers of once a month and once a day. Almost always”

“You also should have category of ‘never’. Just so you can have a sample population of 17 billion to fit your experiment” My attempts at being sarcastic are almost always dim. 

The queue refused to move ahead. Change for money was a perennial problem. In today’s world it is not enough to have money. You need to have money in the correct denominations. I counted my change. I had enough for a missal. 

“So, what is your empirical observation on people?” Somehow I refused to be drawn away from the topic. 

“People exhibit the most abnormal behavior when confronted once a year or even once a semester. They are extremely friendly. They almost always wonder why they don’t see you often and inevitably come to the conclusion of you being too busy. Conversation always ends in niceties being exchanged and promises to meet more often.”

“Well, it’s a social protocol” I said. 

He smirked. He had nothing but contempt for that concept. 

“You practice it. So that would make you a......”

“The entire social structure is based on hypocrisy. Practicing or not does not make a particular difference. I can’t change it. Might as well employ it to do some good.” He very conveniently absolved himself. 

“Ok! So what about the others?” I asked

“The once a month category meetings evoke a variety of responses. There are only two reasons you meet a person once a month. A, you might like to see more of him or her but geographical, social and professional limitations do not allow you to do so. In this case conversations proceed as they do with the once a semester types, except it is less fake. B, you definitely, almost certainly cannot stand the guy. But geographical, social and professional limitations mean that you have to. These situations are fun. If you want to evaluate one’s leadership qualities, this is the test. One’s ability to lie and smile while doing it really counts. You could not be more disinterested in the talk, you have no respect for the other person’s opinion, in fact you even might well be counting sheep while talking to him but yet, you need to smile, nod and manage to show hints of interest, sometimes even fascination! You have to watch what you say. You cannot be very rude and not ask of the other person’s well being, but at the same time you cannot really emphasize of how you don’t really care. You can’t really delve into a story of how interesting your weekend was because that would lead to a longer conversation which you began with you not wanting to talk at all, at the same time you cannot say you have not been doing much because that could lead to a potential invitation of doing something, which you might have to uncomfortably turn down. You could talk about movies, common social events etc. but then again considering you don’t like the guy much there isn’t going to be much cultural or social common ground. The trick is to find enough to fill the ‘once a month 10 minute time’ hole that you so inevitably have.”

I was not disappointed. K had indeed rended the fabric of social life and fit it to explain his view of the world. I would have argued. I knew better!

“Well then, the people in the once a week or once a day must really be special”

“Yes and no.” He replied “Once a week people are almost always in a transition stage. Either they graduate to once a day or fall back to once a month. Once a day people, on the other hand, are almost always, as I said a very small group of people. And it would be a key mistake to generalize.”

“Meraaa ek dosa, Masala. “ He ordered. I only had enough change for a missal. We tried to find a place to sit. Lunches were always a chaos. It would be easier if people decided to be hungry at different times. Half of the world’s social issues were discussed over lunches. Imagine how life would be if people segregated their lunches and social issues to meet their respective carnal needs. 

I had to ask. This was what bothered me. I had to bring it up. 

“So K, where am I in this list?”

He laughed. He laughed and continued laughing. He almost had sambhar come out his nose, I think. 

“I was wondering, how much you are going to beat around before asking.”

“Well, then?”

I will not repeat what he said. I cannot. It is not pathetic, complicated, or even personal. In fact it is very simple. Which is why, I will not say it. As it was with K, his view about things in life were glaringly obvious. You only needed to realize it.

I dont know Scully..........

“I don’t know Scully.....i don’t know” How many times had Mulder repeated those words thought an exasperated Scully.

“You really think Mulder u should do this?” Scully would retort.

“I don’t know Scully.......what else can I do? I believe.” Mulder confesses.

“Do you Believe?” Mulder in his quest of solving the X files in his basement office of the FBI always asked this.

Well, it was not that difficult for Mulder to believe being a fictional character and all. But what would a real life Mulder dealing with intelligence reports do? Courtesy warning: we think that we are open at the west and our respected neighbors are familiar with the concept of ships. Do you believe that we should do something about it?

This real life Mulder places a X on his window and lets the real life Deep Throat know. Deep Throat well aware that ships filled with RDX can spell doom for him and for the people he works for in the government decides not to act on Mulder’s beliefs. He has his own personal reasons which Mulder cannot comprehend. The bureaucracy is too much for Mulder to handle.

“Why fix something that has not broken?” Deep Throat had argued.
“It is broken” Mulder said angrily. “Are you blind? Don’t you see the evidence? Delhi 01’, Bombay 06’, Bangalore 08’, U want it to be Mumbai 09 now?”
“The government does not have unlimited resources Mr Mulder. Yes, they care. But they care about other things as well.”
“More than the aliens?”
“Yes, more than the aliens. Stopping the aliens is expensive. Like it or not u live in a world in which people do not necessarily that coming across an alien on the CST railway station is their top concern.” Deep Throat continues.
“Did my boy do well on his test today? I hope we pay off the loan by mid july…this is what they are thinking. And this is what the government is trying to cater to. Yes, we might not be that efficient. But this is what we have signed up for. A husband-wife cannot agree wether or not to have another kid after 10 years of marriage. Do u expect a room of 550 people will do everything u want them to do?”

Scully thinks Mulder’s obsessing over the the X file. It could be true, it could be false. She does not agree with Deep Throat but can comprehend.

Mulder makes noise. Nothing happens. One night ten aliens come and abduct. Well,euphemism!

What does Mulder now believe in? This is where the X files stops answering us. Unfortunately, no more analogies. What happens if Mulder fails to protect? Does Mulder feign revenge? Yes, Feign! Mulder believed that whatever necessary shoud be done to protect. He believed that something existed out there which needs defending. He never thought about eliminating it. Put yourself in Mulder’s shoes. Oh well, put yourself in your shoes. Do you believe that the answer to such terrorist attacks, state sponsored or not, any state it might be, is to kill? No euphemism’s anymore. None would work! We believe that we need to do something. Do what, kill? Do you believe you can kill? If you do, please be sure that you do.

“So what Mulder? What will you do now?” Scully asks again.

“I don’t know Scully. But I believe that we need to be protected. This is not free India. We need freedom. We need security.”

“I hate to say but you were right Mulder” Scully says. “We should have made much more noise before the aliens came. That would have saved lots of people lots of grief. Deep throat was wrong. You were right. You should make more noise. You should make sure that we eliminate the aliens.”

Mulder thinks. I am now thinking as Mulder would have thought.

“No Scully, no. Deep throat was not completely wrong. The aliens did the worst they can do…….” Scully interrupts.

“You think so Mulder? The X file says it could be worse.”

“I belive so Scully. I don’t know what else to believe. We could put our resources trying to find and eliminate the aliens. Then what Scully? Is it over? Will that be freedom. Will that be security? The aliens came because they thought we are a different species. They think we will harm them. This is just a pre emptive strike. If we do harm them they are correct. Do you believe they are correct?”

Scully did not think that they were correct. Humans seek aliens to understand them. Not harm.

Mulder continues. “We need to let them know that we are not that different.”

“But we are different. We would not do what they have done just because we are afraid.”

“Are we Scully. You are afraid now. You just told me that we should eliminate them. They were just afraid earlier than us.”

“But what are they afraid of. What have we ever done to make them think that we will harm them.”

“We are free. Well, atleast we have the illusion of freedom." He smirks
"They are afraid. They may be envious.”

“So what do we do Mulder. What you big plan? Make them free?” Scully asks

“We could. But then we take upon ourselves huge responsibility just like the Americans have. I don’t believe we are ready for that.”

“So?”

“We should make ourselves ready for that. We need to be a nation of people which we started out to be. Soverign, Secular and a Democratic Republic. We need to be free. Socially, financially and mentally. We should let the aliens see what this freedom can do. And allow them to share what we have.”

“This is not practical Mulder.” Scully interjected. “What you are saying could take years. And in the meanwhile more aliens will harm us. What will you do then?”

“I don’t know Scully…but I believe that two wrongs will not make a right.”

yikes!!

New paces always tend to new experiences. The past few days, people around me spent time under the 'ike' of the storm.I spent them snoring my way to glory.
Funny the way people react to disaster situations. Self survival is a basic instict god taught us.Beyond that we taught ourselves. Ever wondered why god stopped at self survival?

i quote " The number of evacuees was about 500 during the afternoon, but just a short while ago, we got the news that the number rose to a staggering 3000. All the evacuees are being dealt with the Community Emergency Operations Center and we are trying to get the Indian families filtered out. Unfortunately there is no other way than directly talking to the authorities, since every evacuee is entered in a database"

This was the email 'The Indian association' at Texas A&M sent me just before Texas was Ike'ed. of course it went further on calling for volunteers to shelter the Indians evacuating from Houston.

So why did god stop at a basic self survival?

As the philosopher Russel Peters once said, " Man, if we survive another 300 years, All ppl on this planet are going to be brown"
"Dosen't affect me, i am already there."

The concept of 'filtering' out people, for some reason, is a concept that we taught ourselves.
Fortunately i was snoring away (as usual) when that chapter was taught.

Unfinished Thoughts.

A trip back home after a year and a half of Rural USA is quite unique. Life was we know is turned upside down in the US of A. Turning it upside down again, coming home, feels like some sort of a cruel topsy-turvy game. I do not know why India is called a third world country. I sure have a more cushy life here. There are people who cook, people who clean, people who do the laundry and these people do not even include my biological forefathers. They go a step ahead in providing me with 4 wheels an ATM and a new wallet.

Well, basic luxuries of life are expected when u are ‘studying hard’ in Amreeka. But all these things come with a catch. Actually they come with questions but I think we all get the point. A typical Aunty on a typical chai table will ask “So Beta, do u like India now?” ………..Freeze……………

Be careful on what you answer to this. As I look at it there are two options. One, ya aunty…Amreeka toh thik hain, but India is India. This answer has many benefits. It satisfies the Aunty’s of the world. They offer another samosa with the chai and let the matter rest.

Unless, the Aunty is someone in a close relation who happens to run a marriage bureau. Then this move is a checkmate situation to embarrassment. Careful chewing on the present samosa will lead to option no 2.

Oh no aunty, yaha kitna pollution…...blah blah. Amreeka main to life is easy. Sure you have to work hard but then one has to make a living. This will lead to a barrage of questions each more judgemental than the other. The Aunty will make sure that the quality of life is as good as you say it is. He is a typical set of questions….

“So what do you eat?”

“What do you cook?” They do not mind if the answers coincide…..in fact one Aunty confided me that this was their secret way of judging whether you telling the truth or not.

“So what s the rent there like?”

“Who your roommate, any American?”

“Where do you shop for groceries?”

“When are your classes?”

“Are there tution classes there?”

One inevitably manages to lose the aunty on the last couple of questions. The concept of 9 hours a week is too less for any child bearing parent. To add to the woes the lack of coaching classes kills the mood. This leads indirectly to situation number 1 with the small difference of the aunty saying that “ Amreeka toh theek hain, but India is India. This time the aunty better not be one running a marriage bureau. You might not land up marrying anyone in your life. Hmm….woh ladka toh Amreeka jaa ke sirf paisa waste kar raha hain…..aise ghar mein beti nahi dete.

Smiling and grinning in the above series of questions with some casual interruptions here and there might help the aunty being satisfied but not content. You have to promise that you will come back again for more samosa’s and bid adieu.

A trip to India should not exceed a month…..the reason after a month you run of of aunty’s. This is bad because now the uncle’s start noticing you and they don’t need a marriage bureau. The casual conversation starts in the same causal way. “ So Beta do u like India anymore?”

Hearing this question one might grin. After about two weeks you know the in’s and out’s of this. You probably have mastered the diplomatic approach between option 1 and option 2 . But then the uncle’s throw a googly.

“So who do you think is gonna win this time? I think Obama will be good for India” Political questions are not expected. This is when you let off your guard and start answering about Amreeka the way you really think it is. Politics leads to education which leads to your university which leads to the biggest googly of all. This is the one which no aunty will dare to ask. “So you planning to settle down there?”

On a hindsight it is particularly amazing that why a relatively lesser amounts of aunty’s ask this one. Sure some do venture…but the ratio is relatively less. You stare at the uncle with awe and amazement on how could he start at Obama and land up with this. Then careful thinking will lead one to the conclusion that this is the same aunty’s uncle who was satisfied with your answers a week back. The aunty – uncle combination might be proprietors of the marriage bureau. But the time constraint does not allow you to dwell on their diabolical plan. You think of a diplomatic answer. Eventually, option 1 seems to be the safer choice.

“No uncle, Amreeka toh theek hain, but India is India.”

The trip back home sure does throw a lot of questions at you. Unfinished thoughts and unfinished blogs are all that one can take back.

10 Reasons not to choose a Chinese prof as your advisor

10. He says ‘nigga’ in a language you do not understand. Now, that’s racist on two different levels.

9. The small eyes make you feel that he is pissed off all the time.

8. You keep on googling for binding moment for an entire day only to realize that it was bending moment you were supposed to check.

7. He finishes his lunch in 15 minutes. Of course, boiled veggies!

6. He thinks going to China is more important than going to India. He also thinks that China is more crowded than India

5. He lives an American life style, laughs on the president jokes, talks about elections and how it will affect his funding. The he tells you are underpaid and laughs at communist jokes

4. He thinks you are on a vacation if you do not show up for one day.

3. He saves 30$ a month on gloves, 60 $ a month on access cards and cuts your salary by half. He claims he does not have enough funding. He then hires another student with the money saved.

2. He will take you to a conference for 4 days and pay bills for only 3. The NSF does not cover for meals during travel.

1. He harasses you as much as he can before and after your defense. He makes it a point that you cannot leave until the last day before your flight. He then forgets that you had booked tickets for 19^th July not 19^th June.

Karate Kid!

Hey guyz! I normally dont write personal stuff on these blogs. But something i felt i had to write about and post. I guess i should create a new blog for such personal fiasco's that i am about to describe. But then i am too lazy. I dont think many people read my blog anyways.

Enter 25 th of November, Sunday. The day was pretty gloomy all around. Rains for the past 48 hours had made life cold and damp. Enter invitation for a party followed by washing my private parts followed by covering them up and leaving. Even the party kinda had a gloomy start. Random chit chat! More people. More chit chat! Inspired by some movies and boredom I suggest tobacco and a pipe to smoke. People agree. Enter the pipe and the strong smoke. It was the center of attention for some until some one lost the tobacco packet. More people, louder ambience, more booze, more smoke. It was a normal party. People dancing, smoking, dancing, some more shouting, drinking and dancing even more. It’s the ritual that most parties follow. This was no different. Then something different happened! Some thing that makes me laugh even today as I write this. Some thing that makes it the best party I have been to in some time.

There it was! The chair I was sitting on for some time. Talking to people who decide to leave the dance floor for a while. For some reason I decide to shake my leg a bit. It is unnecessary to say that I was high. I shake my ass a bit. I decide to go back to the vodka. The booze was geographically the furthest away from my chair. I doubt if it was intentional. I fill up my glass. I take a sip. I put down my glass. There stood the chair. Silently, waiting for its end. I decide to charge like a bull charges on seeing the red cloth. The idea was to show off a stunt. The one wherein I balance the chair on its two legs. I charge gaining full speed. The chair awaits with bated breath. And then the leap! The balance! I did it. Proof that I could drink more. Then Mr. Newton decides to show up and spoil my party. The chair rocks back for some reason. KPLOW!!!! Front leg in two pieces. It throws me off its cushy cushion the way the bull throws off the cowboy in the rodeo. Back somersault. I was on the floor with people laughing their ass off. Someone was concerned whether I was hurt. Some one told me that it was a stupid thing to do. Some one was complaining about something. I heard the word ‘Jack ass’. 24 hours later I am nurturing a small bruise. But then I have the certificate of being the Karate kid. The guy who broke the chair with his bare legs. I should be embarrassed. I broke a piece of furniture belonging to some one else. I am not. It was the most fun thing I have done in some time. It probably should be a thing that can’t be bragged about but I will try. I am the Karate Kid!